Monday, September 22, 2003

Well it is Monday....got a new desk at work today...it is like a 1000 times better than what I had before! :)

I have been struggling the last 3 or 4 days with reflux and gas and pains in my back in the ovary area...I think I may be about to have yet another period...2 weeks after the last...gosh PCOS sux ass! I hate the constant PMS...honestly some don't believe me but I am telling you...it is as if I just ended and began again on the rollercoaster....wheeee!

I am filling out the paperwork tonight to go see Dr. Liu....I think I am nervous and that is why I have procrastinated for a week on it...well time to get to it.

Jim by the way was such a doll and helped me today at the office putting the desk together...he really is the greatest friend and lover ...I am amazed at how blessed I am there...truly as my wedding song said I must have done "Something Good"...Love him soooo very much.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Well, well, well...I got my referral to go see the surgeon today...this is with the HMO plan...I am also going to go consult with a doc thru my PPO plan as well....might as well see both and make my decision from there. Will be good to see both hospitals as well.

Sad abot John Ritter and Johhny Cash and today Venus and Serena Williams lost their sister. All of that makes you just think about your own stuff and scares the crap out of me...I don't like thinking about it at all and then it happens to high profile people and you go whoa. But a dear friend of mine is in the Hospital and is very ill and I think to myself...that is what I should care about not celebrities....I am tired of reality shows btw. I am weening myself off of them. Only 1 ata time am I watching...not 6 like I was a week ago...too much crap on them and I think to myself....damn that is taking so much away from writers and actors...I am done supporting that....so I will not be watching "Survivor" next week....let's start with that! :)

Alrightie well I am going to go work on a website now...

Monday, September 01, 2003

Jeez it has been awhile....I have to put on here and excerpt from my friend Jacqui's Journal....

"I had crossed the line between being zoftig, lush, big-healthy-sexy, to being a three-hundred-and-twenty-three pound woman who wouldn't get on a scale, let alone admit something like this to you, me, or anyone else. I didn't have the stamina to walk more than a block. I certainly couldn't walk on my treadmill for more than ten minutes. Sex was getting pretty monotonous with being able to make love in only one or two positions, plus it's hard to feel sexy when you hate yourself, hate the way you look, and hurt all over. I'd given up the thing I love the most, which is acting, because I knew there was no way that even if I landed one of the many fat-gal parts I had been going out for, I wouldn't have the energy to get up at four or five and sit on a set all day.

Things had gotten so bad that I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack. I learned that obesity, adult onset diabetes, and heart attacks all run in my birth family. I had used the excuse that my blood pressure had been fine all along and that my cholesterol was great to buoy my I can eat as many fattening deserts as I like, it'll never happen to me, denial, but then all of a sudden my blood pressure started to rise and I discovered that I was pre-diabetic. My knees and ankles were starting to buckle and give out from under me. I was borrowing my Mother's handicap placard, feeling guilty and worried that people would look at me and think, "Handicap Parking Space Stealer", when all along they were probably thinking, "OMG poor girl look at how fat she is, no wonder she can't park further away and walk." Or maybe they were hating me, I don't know.

But most of all I was afraid that I was going to die and leave my son all alone without a Mom, and with an emotionally checked out, distant and selfish boy-man for a Father, and little else. So I did the only thing that was left for me to do, and I signed up for this operation. At this moment, I can say pretty confidently that with the exception of giving birth to my son, this is the single best thing I have ever done for myself. We'll see if I'm still saying this ten years from now, but for now, my life is taking a turn for the better, things are definitely on an upswing and I am healing and healed in so many of the areas I described above."
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She writes my experience as well..here was my reply to her:

I can't believe how you can always put into words exactly what I am feeling...lord Jacqui it is unreal...I feel like I am a few steps behind but on the same path ...I am so happy to hear that you think it is the best thing you have ever done for yourself...I pray I will feel the same..but hell...taking your lead I know I will! :)

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Well there ya go...what an amazing woman she is....thank you Jacqui!

I am so happy to have a job finally and am actually looking forward to getting back to work after the Holiday weekend...freaky I know...but heck it was a looong time that I didn't have a job! :)

Anyway...Just wanted to say I am really beginning to get excited about the surgery process...I don't have the 3 month waiting period for my insurance at this job so I am gonna go go go once it kicks in! Yeah PPO!!! (Yes my wish came true...and I now have PPO Insurance!)

Till next time! Ta!